Don't make out with my wife yet
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Randomize
