guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
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