He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
