dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Explain it like you would if you were talking to a 5 yo
Wait no, like you would to a stoned high school freshman.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Randomize