I can feel you judging me through the phone.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
