can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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