Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
No other awkward car ride can beat the one you give your drug dealer home.
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
She made me watch three musicals and then told me she was too tired for me to stay over. I think I'm being punished but I have no clue what I did.
Randomize
