Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This is the high leading the old right now
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
