If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
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