You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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