a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
dude i'm inner monologue high
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Randomize
