No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
Randomize
