dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize