it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
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