I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Randomize
