Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
No it's like. I don't respect you. And I think you're a terrible person but. I still wanna bone it out.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
