Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
