I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
