he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Let me shower first- i smell like sex and rock climbing (not so sure how that happened)
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize
