a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Someone came in the potted fern
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
Randomize
