There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
