I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i would punch a child for taco bell
So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Randomize
