Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
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