I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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