she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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