Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
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