I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Randomize
