I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
