I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
