i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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