I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
