I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
