yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Cookies. Watch out fir falling satellites.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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