Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Randomize
