omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
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I swear that when we jog in the morning I can hear it slap between his thighs
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
