Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
Randomize
