Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
