have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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