In the future we'll all be gay
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Randomize
