I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
Randomize
