3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
