3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
