i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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