wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
Randomize
