that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Randomize
