Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
