Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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