What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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