i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
