sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Being an adult is fun. You can experience a break up, then go fuck someone else in the woods.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
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