That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
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