K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
So we just smoked a bowl, out of an antler, with this old dude, while standing at the bar. Dude just walked up and said we were in his spot, just began packing it and handing it around...
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize
