i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
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