She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
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Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
Randomize