I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
Randomize
