even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
Randomize
