if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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