I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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