he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
