Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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