Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
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