She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
