If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
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