I hate your face
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Randomize
